Five Types Of Twitter Users You May Not Know Exist

Celebrity

Be it a movie star, musician, CEO of a failing company, a comedian or that dude that married Demi Moore. They follow literally a handful of people, but have thousands of females following. In the case of Kevin Rose, there seems to be thousands and thousands of males following. (Say man crush three times in a row really fast!)

They will most likely not reply to your comment, although eagerly you might wait, hitting the refresh button every other second, only to curl up in a ball and cry yourself to sleep that night. Though their tweets are as mundane as “Taking a nap,” their hardcore followers still manage to reply to it with great enthusiasm. Examples: “Naps are great,” “Good Job,” “I love you Stephen Colbert.” Okay the last one was mine. Thinking back, maybe that’s the reason Levar Burton didn’t reply to my tweet.

Bots

Typically has default avatar. Sometimes has a picture of a hot girl to trick you into clicking it, only to find shes has made $550 dollars in 3 days or is giving away free laptops. The bots follow thousands and are followed by only a few. The hotter the girl, the more the followers. I guess they are not convinced that the account is a bot, even after the same tweet four times in a row all linking back to a dubious site. Not that I have clicked on them. Ok, once. Like you haven’t clicked it. $550 in 3 days? Come on! That’s gold in this economy. Its quite sad really, so many hot girls are getting into this spam business to support their cocaine habit.

Funny Guy/Gal

They are not celebrities as in the truest sense, but they are on Twitter. Much like celebrities, they follow only a handful and are followed by thousands. They make mundane, albeit humorous observations, which make Favrd on a regular basis. Though at times snobby and unresponsive, because of their follower numbers, they are worth following, especially if you are looking for some humor on Twitter. Comes in especially handy when “Mind of Mencia” is on Comedy Central.

They are the ones that managed to turn the U.S. Airways Hudson river emergency landing into a Canada Geese Roast Festival. Although I am still sore they joked about it, when so many of my fellow geese died that day. In real life they are much like anyone else, have a job, children, nagging wife etc. etc. But do not be confused, they are much funnier than you and I pretend we are.

Dead People/Imaginary Entities

I suppose this started as a joke, making twitter accounts for dead people such as Sigmund Freud and George Washington. It has now turned into a own little cult. There’s even a website dedicated to historical quotes. Not even God is immune to these pranksters. Although I am confused whether the real god @god or @godfather. My tweets requesting information have gone unanswered.

Pets/Children/Plants

What a world we live in when our pets get their own twitter account! I have never had a pet, aside from my sister, nor am I planning on making a twitter account upon acquiring a four legged creature. Surprisingly these pets are great spellers and are able to keep their thoughts under 140 characters.

While having a twitter account for children isn’t as ludicrous as pets, it is still scary. Have you seen a 3 year old? All they do is eat, sleep and poop. Same could be said for me, but lets not go there.

Finally we arrive at Plants. I will no say no more on this subject. Plant owners with twitter accounts are a sensitive bunch.